paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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