Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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