Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I puked a lego.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
