just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize