Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish my penis had an off switch
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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