She's JV to your varsity
My liver just broke up with me...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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