Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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