somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
