I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
