Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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