is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
as a side note pls kill me
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