i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
