I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
