You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
this hospital has no fireball
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
