i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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