morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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