Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
