There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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