4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
