I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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