He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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