Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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