I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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