can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
