Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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