Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
