Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
do nipples grow back?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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