I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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