I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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