I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
