The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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