his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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