Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
