no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My feet surprised me
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