Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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