My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
