goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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