I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
