Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
