I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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