i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
