sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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