if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i think i just lost a toe
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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