i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
