On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone signed my nipple.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
