New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize