Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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