If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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