I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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