Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There r osticjed everywhere
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
