he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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