i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize