Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had sex on a roof
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
