Small penises have feelings too.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
