Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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