you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
