I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize