the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
