And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
