Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
