I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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