im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
